I feel like we have lost the ability of stillness. I know that I have.
Every time that I sit down to have a quiet time, I feel like my brain is being pulled in a million different directions.
Our culture has pushed us to think that busy is best. When we are accomplishing tasks, running errands, going to events, and rushing around all day long – this is when we are useful. This gives us purpose.
But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
The other day I heard the song “Breathe” by Jonny Diaz, and it brought back memories that I could feel. Memories of a time when I barely slept, functioning was my priority for the day, and spending time with God was reading a few verses while I drank my coffee.
During that season of my life, my heart was in a constant state of anxiety. I was task-oriented, always in a state of rushing. Part of that is my personality, but the other half was planning a wedding, trying to keep up with a fast-paced job that I wasn’t so great at, volunteering multiple times a week, and trying to nurture a relationship in my “spare time”.
I remember when that song came on the radio for the very first time, I just cried. God was telling me to slow down. I had all these responsibilities that were piling on top of me, but I didn’t have to let them. I was taking all that weight upon my own shoulders when I should have just given it to him.
Over the next few months, I learned how to be busy and get things done while somehow still being still, content and giving God control. I had to acknowledge that everything really was going to be alright and that I could be still and breathe.
Right now my life is still. I am at home with one good baby all day. I’m not working. My husband is amazing and our marriage is great. There is no emotional turmoil in my heart.
But I know that the day will come when I feel overwhelmed again. Maybe I’ll have too many kids than I feel like I can handle, not enough money to get by, an overworked husband, marriage struggles, sickness or even death. I don’t know what is to come – but I am not worried.
“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”
Today is all I know. Today I am content. Today I have enough. Today is good.
And tomorrow when things begin to pile on top of me, I hope I can turn my eyes towards heaven and find peace because I know that the one who holds the universe also holds my life – and I know that he is good.
“Contentment is an expression of faith in the goodness of God.”