This morning my husband was initiated into the associate pastor position at our little country church. I always told God I would never marry a pastor – so he let me marry a farmer and I thought that all was gonna be fine and dandy.
Until a year and a half ago.
When I was one month pregnant and extremely emotional, my husband came to me beaming from ear to ear – “The pastor asked me if I would consider being the associate pastor at our church.”
There were so many reasons to say NO.
I didn’t want to. He didn’t have any training or experience. He is shy and prefers to serve in the background. I would make an awful pastor’s wife because I can’t keep my giant gob shut. We were having a baby and didn’t need something else to be stressed out about.
When I met my husband, we both knew. We knew that God was calling us both to the same little town. We knew that this community and church was where we were supposed to shine our lights.
Come time for our wedding, as we were planning, we decided to have a worship time. I chose the hymns “Great is Thy Faithfulness” and “Take My Life”. Our lives taking such a crazy turn and bringing us to each other was such an act of God. We had both seen his incredible faithfulness and miracles in our lives and our relationship was just another one. We wanted to dedicate our marriage and our lives to his will and plan.
We just had no idea what in the world that was going to be.
However, it didn’t take much time in prayer for me to recognize that this was it. This was what God had been preparing my heart for all this time. Pieces of the puzzle began coming together, and it was oh so obvious.
But then we just had to wait. It seemed like such a long lull, a time of awaiting change and not knowing what to expect. In fact, it seemed like so long that I really forgot just what I was waiting for.
This morning, my brain was full. My husband and I drove to church separately because the baby needed breakfast and a nap. I also had to lead worship. I was distracted and had no focus. After the first two songs, we sat down for communion.
As I leaned on my husband’s shoulder rolling that little piece of bread between my hands, I prayed. I prayed that God would show up – that my husband’s sermon would be straight from the heart of God. I prayed for the Holy Spirit to fill that room, to do something.
And the pianist began to play that song.
Take my life and let it be, ever only all for thee. Take my moments and my days, let them flow in ceaseless praise. Take my hands and let them move at the impulse of they love. Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for thee.
Tears streamed down my cheeks before I had a chance to know they were there. I recognized that feeling – when God speaks so directly to me. “This is right where I have placed you. Good job my faithful child.”
Two years ago, my husband and I vowed before God, our pastors, our family and our friends that we would not only love and serve each other, but that we were dedicating our marriage, our family, and our entire lives to his will and plan.
At that moment, my heart became so calm and still. The thoughts stopped buzzing around in my brain. All at once, God’s reminder that he was there and that he was working flooded my heart with peace.
My husband gave his very first sermon, and he did phenomenally. As the board surrounded him to pray over him and welcome him to our church, my heart swelled with pride and joy.
While this may never be what I wanted or imagined my life to be like, I’m constantly surprised by God’s crazy plans – as well as the fact that they are always, always better than my own.
Take my will and make it Thine, it shall no longer be mine. Take my heart, it is Thy own, it shall be Thy royal throne.