It is so still, I can feel my heart pulsing through my body with each strong beat.

All the noises of my house are louder than normal, but the buzzes and creaks are comforting.

What a long weekend it has been. My husband got the flu (or something), my baby has been needy and not having any of this busy people stuff, I’ve got about five hours of sleep total, and am in desperate need of a shower.

While I tried to enjoy my day with family, it didn’t work out. With each screaming child and each crazily unwrapped present, my stress level rose. Right when we needed to leave for the Christmas Eve service, my baby was bawling with red-rimmed eyes. My husband had to go, but I didn’t.

‘I guess we are staying home.’ I thought wearily.

Christmas hasn’t been quite like I had hoped this year. Having a baby makes everything extra stressful, and I’m just not used to living like this yet.

But then he went to sleep. I put on my cozy pajamas, tiptoed out of the bedroom and shut the door without a creak (because we all know what happens when you make any noise).

I tackled the large pile of Christmas treat-making dishes rotting away in the sink, put away our collection of gifts from the weekend, made a fresh pot of coffee and grabbed the pile of cards from church this morning.

As I sat here opening each card, reading about the lives of my many loved ones this past year, and listening to Christmas hymns….my heart swelled and my eyes filled with tears.

The tree fills the dark house with warm, glowing light. Looking at it, I just wanted to sing along with the pianist…

“Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel – Born is the King of Israel.” 

And I feel a prick of conviction. Born is the King of Israel. 

Yes, far too often I make life all about ME. But there isn’t a time I notice that more than Christmas.

I spend my holiday trying to enjoy family, food, celebration, and gifts…but I always end up frazzled, stressed, tired and disappointed.

It isn’t until moments like these when I remember what this season is about: my KING. When I bring my heart back to this, there is no longer stress or unmet expectations. There is only Jesus. 

I guess I just needed a little peace to remember, a little quiet – a little bit of a Silent Night.